darthbluetac

I could never choose the right category for people. I would meet someone and immediately box them into a “kingdom friendship” (a lifer). However, I was inappropriately categorizing this person. They were an assignment. They were merely seasonal. You don’t share trade secrets, vent, or give insider information to an assignment, yet I did. Then I would watch appalled as the assignment would turn into an assassin, over and over. This is because I miscategorized an assignment.

Some came along as bait. I thought they were kingdom. They would hook me. I would get pulled away or caught up in a king-size fishing net. Then came distractions and I would lack the discernment to categorize them appropriately. I would fall hook, line, sinker. CATCH. FAIL. Oh, what a great fall. Another lack. If I could appropriately categorize those entering my life and not assume everyone was a love interest, I would not have had the challenges I had. I found that most of my problems were self-inflicted, brought on by myself because I lacked boundaries. My greatest weakness was what some may say was my greatest strength, but they did not know my heart. God did.

I had firefighters. I chose not to use them. Instead, I let the wrong people ravage my life with characteristics, ethics, morals, and beliefs that did not match my own. I would be led down hallways to slaughterhouses that the flame of my heart would be so heavily singed. Similar to childhood prey, the humiliation of decisions I made was continually profoundly lacking I had nowhere to turn or to tell. My uniform I wore well but could not stand the heat or the flammable substances I would subject myself to over and over. My helmet, no matter how tight, would not protect my mind from the shame, screams, or taunts that I would project upon myself for the misfortunes I would cause. I was my own tortured chamber. I set the fires, lit the flames, brought the wood, and sat back and watched my life burn to shreds. I seemingly watched myself die inside. All to chase a like, a validation from someone non-important. Why?

To some, the burn is worth the heat. We have only known heat and burn our entire lives and we don’t believe God will give us a life without fire. Instead of waiting on God to give us a life of a cloud to lead in the front and a fire to follow at night, we step in the way and sabotage before He can deliver our no. Let us have discernment and sober-minded lives. Let’s let everyone become an assignment, then, if God wants them to be more, fire it up!

Source: Jerry Flowers sermon on Firefighters